NY Fall #3 (!)

Rain always brings such a chill. It goes right through you and makes it really difficult to do anything but cuddle up under a blanket. I want some hot apple cider, but that means going out into the misty, windy day and I might need another cup of coffee before I'm ready to do that.

It is so very fall outside. It's actually beautiful, despite how chilly and unpleasant the rain makes actually being outdoors. This time of year always brings me back to the fall that remained the same until I moved to New York. Growing up in the mountains of Pennsylvania, fall was such an eventful time. We would visit pumpkin patches, play in the leaves, go on haunted hay rides; all of the cliched activities that everyone thinks of at this time of year. But in New York City, there are no pumpkin patches, but bodegas that sell pumpkins by the pound. There certainly are no fields to house a haunted hay ride or cornfield maze, and if you want to play in the leaves that have fallen, well, it's probably not a good idea. Also: West Virginia! My college experiences were hardly different from the seasonal changes at home. It's just so different here. Literally, there is nothing I can think of that is the same as living anywhere else in this country. 

As I look back, or take a moment to step back and assess, I have adjusted to what it is to be here. The timing, the style, the attitude... I get it. Everyone is here for a purpose. The opportunities are endless, just oozing out of every nook and cranny. I guess that's what is a bit uncomfortable for me. Feeling so unsure about my direction makes it hard to take a step. Although I do accept the fact that I'm the only thing standing in my way. People come here to find themselves and make themselves. It's a 24/7 process. You have to work hard to be able to afford New York. Then when you have time away from work, you have to make the magic happen... so there is no down time. I'm trying to grasp this, searching for the motivation and the inspiration, and trying to let go of my need to control the situation because obviously, it's out of my hands. 

Being here in the beginning was a shock. I think I built some barriers around me for protection, but now I feel that it has opened me up, rounded me out. I have seen some seriously intensely interesting things (for lack of better words). I feel quite aware and surprised every day. Although it's not what I thought it would be, (it never is though, is it?) it is something, that's for sure. And I am far from finished with this city. New York has everything. If only I had a big yard and a house on the beach, I think I could be quite happy here. Considering the fact that this isn't going to happen, well... I'll make the best of it for now. I wonder where I'll end up... where I'll live when I'm married and have babies and if I'll ever get to design the perfect house. Will it be big enough for my kids and their friends, my friends and my big noisy family? Sometimes I feel like I can picture myself as a happy old woman who spends her days laughing with her soul-mate-husband and a lifetime of beautiful memories and the excitement for what's coming next.

home...

So Andrew and I have purchased a new toy. A toy that will allow us to document our lives and be able to look back and remember what we looked like and maybe capture a little bit how our lives felt. When I tell stories that start with "when I first moved to New York..." now I'll have some proof! That's right, ya'll. We are big kids now. No more disposable, 5 mega-pixels, blurry, unfocused junk! We bought ourselves a real live camera!

I wanted to give everyone who hasn't seen our apartment a little view of what we've been working with. We've lived there a whole year now, and it's really quite a great place. We've made it our own and feel really happy about our little home. Plus, Andrew will kill me if I come up with any more projects or bring home any more paint swatches. So this is it!

This is part of our kitchen. Lots of coffee brewing, wine drinking, and cooking have happened in this room. We're so lucky to have such a big kitchen. I wish you could all come and let me cook for you.

This table was in my mom's first apartment. I love it. Also, some of Andrew's prints on the wall. 

My world... I need to spend more time in this little nook.

And this is Andrew's space. We split our little 'office' right in half!

Our room is great. When we moved in, the walls were a really bright, sunny yellow. We thought we liked it, but as you can see, the walls are now a dark grey-blue. Very cozy and sleepy.

How lucky are we to have a tree right outside our bedroom window? I love seeing the leaves. It makes everything in the apartment so colorful.

I'm sure there are a million things wrong with this photo, but I just really love it. The view out of our kitchen window...

This one too...

Another window shot, this one in our little bathroom. I just love the light and how the fabric looks. 

Of course, Trinny is a permanent fixture in the living room. The couch always looks just like this. She really has a way of making herself comfortable. 

Now hopefully you have a somewhat clearer idea of how things are going for me. I feel lucky seeing these photos. Trust me when I say I've seen some pretty scary living situations in this city! 

Come back soon... I promise there will be something to see!

it's October...

Hello,

I'm not sure how, when, or why, but summer came and went. I felt like I was present for it, but somehow it seems that I missed it. It passed me by. It's October 4th! As you may or may not know, I'm a summer time/beach life lady. Why am I in New York City? Well... that's the question.

It's been a strange few months. Not that you would know because I haven't updated you, have I? Well, I couldn't seem to put my finger on the way things were going and how I felt about the passing weeks, hence my lack of posting, again. Sorry! I just haven't been quite sure what to say. I'll get there though. I do really like the idea of this blog if for no other reason than to keep you, my closest friends and family members, slightly up to date on my life. But if there's nothing to read, well, then there's nothing to read. I'll work on that.

Moving forward, I'm feeling optimistic about this season. (The weather and the non-weather!) It's cold today and a bit of a shock, but there's no time like the present. I'm ready to adjust and figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing. As of now, I still have no idea. But it's time to jump in head first and get busy. I just need to find my way to the pool. (My directional sense is starting to get a little better.)

I have been feeling very fortunate that I have such an amazing family. My brother is one of the most powerful beings on this planet. Johnny, if you're reading, you're the coolest. So glad you're my friend and you live such an inspiring life. My mom, what can I say about her? Ma, you are everything, heart and soul and life. Teacher, friend, listener. Thank you. You're so brave and I'm so proud of you. Everything is going to be just fine. And if we need to, we'll skip town. My dad probably isn't reading. I'm not sure if he knows how to check email yet. However, somehow we've found a new thing together that works and is allowing us to co-exist. You've been surprising me. You've made some exciting changes, for the better. You deserve all the happiness that's out there. Thank you for teaching me such valuable lessons.

To my Aunt Doreena, if you're reading, I think about you lots and lots, and I believe that although we can't see why, once we come to the end of any given road, it all comes together and then you have any number of new paths to choose from. You're so strong and powerful and you have said many things that remain in my memory, encouraging and supporting me. Thank you. I miss you and hope I can spend some time with you soon. Love ya, mean it, ciao bay-bayyyy!

My friends, although we are far apart, are always with me. Mal, you know I love you and don't know what I'd do without you and your wisdom. Thank you for being who you are. I can't wait to spend some face to face time together. To my little fairy Daphne, who has set back out to sea, you're a little magical sea-nymph. You are exactly where you belong right now and I can't wait to see what happens next. I love you! You should start a blog or a tumblr so those of us on land can follow your travels! My Jenny-bird, you've been on my mind a lot. We need to catch up. I miss you so much. You are the sister that I never had! Come visit me please. Borrelli, you too. You're such an amazing, crazy lady and I wish we were closer. Laura, Chels, Katie, I'm so jealous of how much time you guys get to spend together! I miss you so much and you are all so amazingly beautiful! It's blows my mind. I'll see you guys over the holidays for sure, if not sooner. Ryan, somehow we've found our way into a kind of brother/sister relationship. Do you feel that? I know we give each other a lot of shit, but close friends are hard on each other when they need to be. I'm lucky to have you. T.J. Get up here! I miss you. Weren't we having weekly phone dates? I'm the worst. Can't wait for us to be closer though. It will be so great!

Jamie and Kellsye, thank you... Just, thank you. I'm not sure what else to say. You have to deal with me more than anyone should. And I'm a nutcase right now. Love you both.

Andrew, you're my home. I can't wait for what's next. We are the luckiest of the lucky. And thank you for bringing that crazy dog into my life. Trinny is the best listener ever, and she knows that I'll give her treats after I talk to myself for a while.

I didn't exactly plan for this post to be a little tribute to my people, but that's what came out. As for the future, I won't promise anything too ambitious (blog-wise) so that no one is let down when they check back to see if there is a new post soon... but I do want to keep this going. Plus there's an amazing new coffee shop in my neighborhood (I'm there right now!) and it feels great to get things out of my overly-confused brain, so I might try and make a habit of it.

To anyone that is reading, thank you. Until next time...